July 8th, 2011

The Friendship Fix: The Complete Guide to Choosing, Losing, and Keeping Up with Your Friends by Andrea Bonoir, Ph. D.

The Friendship Fix: The Complete Guide to Choosing, Losing, and Keeping Up with Your Friends by Andrea Bonoir, Ph. D.

There are few things as rewarding as true friendship with other women.  I have been thinking a lot about my friendships lately—the ones I’ve had since high school, the ones I’ve formed since becoming a mother, and the ones that didn’t last.  That’s why, when given the opportunity to review The Friendship Fix: The Complete Guide to Choosing, Losing, and Keeping Up with Your Friends by Andrea Bonoir, Ph. D., I jumped at it.  I am really glad I did, because this book really gives readers a lot to think about.

I will admit that at first, I found the conversational tone a bit annoying.  The insertion of slang and parenthetical statements (hello pot, this is kettle calling) just kind of got on my nerves.  However, either I got used to it or it was used less as the book continued, and it was just a way to keep the beginning light and conversational.  The book does read like a conversation with a good friend and not like a heavy “self help” manual, which I appreciated.

After the writing style, my next thought was, “Man, I could have used this book in 1998!”  Around that time, I packed up my car and moved from Oklahoma to California.  I was young, single, and aside from a few relatives, knew no one in my area.  Do you know how hard it is to make female friends when you’re new in town?  Everyone wants to set you up with men, but no one thinks to introduce you to women friends.  This book addresses exactly that topic—what to do when college is over and you find yourself in a new city without many (or any) friends.

But it covers so much more than that.  How to maintain the friendships you have and be a better friend yourself.  How to tell when it’s time to let a friendship go—sometimes we put up with far more from our friends then we would in a romantic relationship, and while Dr. Bonoir certainly doesn’t advocate chucking your friends at the first sign of hardship, she does make a case for growing apart or just “breaking up” if that is the most appropriate move to make.  There is also a fascinating section on how technology in general, and social networking sites specifically, are changing friendship.  Imagine never losing touch with the people you knew in high school.  For our children, that is the reality.  How might staying immersed in your past change your future?

This book is the perfect gift for recent college graduates or friends who are moving to a new city.  If you’ve recently gotten married, had a baby, or had a close friend get married or have a baby, this book can help you navigate the changes in friendship that inevitably occur.  I also think that parents of daughters might want to give it a read, because teaching our daughters to navigate female friendship is a gift that will carry them well into adulthood.

I do not think this book is a definitive tome on the topic of female friendship, but I also don’t think it was intended to be.  It is an introduction; a starting point; the beginning of a conversation that we as mothers and friends should be having.  It would be really interesting to read and discuss this with a group of friends—depending on the friends, of course.  While there are a lot of books focused on romantic relationships and there is plenty of reading about how catty women can be with each other, there aren’t many books like this one that focus on fostering friendships among women.  There should be, because my women friends bring support, laughter, and camaraderie into my life on a daily basis.   If the same is not true for you, then you need to read this book.

Note: This book was provided by the publisher to our writer at no cost, but with no obligation for a positive review. For more information on Momicillin’s “no pay for play” policy, please see our Terms and Conditions.

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Leave the beach at the beach

Kids covered from head to toe in sticky sand? Reach in your diaper bag for the Baby Powder, give them a good shake-down (with the powder, that is) and “Poof!” they’ll be clean as a whistle (and smelling powder fresh to boot!)