P-Day
Well, I bit the bullet and decided I could no longer put off the inevitable: Luke needed to start potty training. He’ll be turning 3 in a few months and he’s a big 3. I started imagining disturbing scenarios like an overgrown teenage boy stuffed into a tiny kindergartner’s desk/chair combo getting teased for wearing Huggies.
The night before the big day, P-Day (like D-day but not nearly as exciting), I assumed my best spaz-cheerleader face and started to pump up my boy for the next day.
“Hey, Luke! Tomorrow, we’re going to wear BIG BOY UNDERWEAR!!!!” If you only saw my face and didn’t hear the audio, you would have thought I was announcing that the Wiggles themselves would be coming to give him a private concert. Anthony and Jeff! Eating and falling asleep on our property!!!
He gave me a big smile and a high-five. Awesome.
The next morning, I, again summoned Super! Jazzed! Mama! And ushered him into the bathroom with a pair of Thomas undies. At first, I thought we were golden. A few seconds after he had them on, he soured and said, “I don’t want big boy underwear. I want diaper,” proceeding to shimmy out of them and then flinging them against the far wall, right behind my head.
Hmm. Not the response I was hoping for.
I eventually got him into the underwear by, what else, bribery, and that’s when the fun really started.
8:04 am bathroom run. Success!
8:14 am “I go pee-pee in the potty.” “Again?” A few drops materialize.
8:17 am” I go pee-pee again.” “Luke, try to save it all for a big pee-pee, okay?”
8:20 am “Mama, I wet.”
Repeat awesome pee cycle x 51 times
1:45 pm Go to Target to buy a metric ton of size 4 boys’ underwear with licensed animation characters. Clean out their entire inventory.
4:02 pm Luke up from nap (diaper for nap), into clean, dry underwear.
4:30 pm Elise says, “I smell poop!” I peek down the back of Luke’s licensed character underwear to find Worst. Sight. Ever.
4:32 pm Bath running, underwear undergoing serious salvage therapy.
More awesome pee cycles. Go through an astonishing number of licensed character underwear.
7:45 pm Diaper on for bed-time. Breathe a sigh of relief. Wonder if the boy is physiologically ready and wonder if I can possibly survive another day of this.
Epilogue: Following day was a sad repeat of this one. Day after that: NO ACCIDENTS. ALL DAY. WOOHOO! Miracles do happen.