September 30th, 2009

Fashion FAIL

Kate Chretien

It was eighth grade. I was on a school field trip to some kind of cultural event related to Spanish class, culminating with a lunch at one of those large Mexican chain restaurants. I was wearing a lovely peach-colored dress, with a full flowy skirt: I was looking good (as long as you blocked out the braces, acne, and bad perm). I noted this as I checked my reflection in the restaurant restroom before I returned to my table. Looking good!

I walked across the entire restaurant to the appreciative stares of the clientele. Maybe they thought I was a model. 

As I sat down, one of my friends leaned over, wide-eyed with concern, and said, “Kate, your skirt is tucked into your underwear in back!” 

Sure enough, my peach flowy skirt was partially jam-stuffed into the back of my underwear. I had walked across the entire restaurant looking like that. To the appreciative stares of the business clientele AND THE ENTIRE EIGHTH GRADE.

To any woman, this might have been embarrassing. To a thirteen-year-old girl, who ALREADY had some issues, what with the braces, acne, and bad perm, it was nothing less than mortification. I had nightmares for a year.

I am reminded of this lovely, character-building incident each time Elise walks out of the bathroom with her skirt sticking through and out her left underwear leg hole. We’re taking 70% of skirt/dress bathroom exits, people.

Like me, she is completely oblivious to her fashion faux-pas.

It actually looks pretty cute on a 4-year-old. I’ve fought the urge to take a picture.

(Okay, I lied. I took one small photo.)

But, then, yesterday, underwear-showcasing Elise announced that she had to go back to the bathroom for a number two. 

(I’ve found that motherhood has involved me saying things that I never would have thought I’d say. Ever. But, wow, the things that have come effortlessly out of my mouth!)

Without looking up, I called out to her retreating figure, “Don’t poop on your dress!”

Words to live by, courtesy of Mom.


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