Now, y’all without sin go ahead and throw that first stone… I come from a small town. (Cue John Mellencamp music.) It’s a great place to live, if you like majestic mountains, winning sports teams, and knowing your neighbors. If, however, you’re an outsider—and act like one—you’re liable to find yourself on the wrong side of an angry mob, and that’s just what happened to my local newspaper editor. Mr. Editor has a habit of evoking strong emotions from the (...Read More)
Saint Telemachus and the Harper Valley PTA
Would You Hire a Hot Babysitter?
At some point most parents have to hire a babysitter (unless you are blessed to have grandparents close by without Bunko commitments on a Saturday night.) Anyone who has been through the babysitter search knows it is an exhaustive process to find someone of sound mind and body capable of putting your children to bed with more compassion than your own “GET TO BED NOW” threats, and no one wants to come home to find a Nancy Grace camera crew (...Read More)
Me? I like a challenge. However, the back-to-school hubbub is a bit overwhelming. With four students this year (sorry, college student offspring – you’ll have to figure your own stuff out), I am, in equal parts, dreading and looking forward to crossing off my list the following red-letter dates: SOMETIME BEFORE SEPTEMBER 1: Make appointments for sports physicals and immunizations. Celebrate that a summer of sitting around the pool hasn’t resulted in muscular atrophy or brain-eating amoeba infestation. Shell out (...Read More)
FOR LAUNDRY OPERATIONS: CHILD FORCES RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
NOTE: THESE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT EXPLAIN YOUR “RIGHTS” (A TERM USED EUPHEMESTICALLY HERE TO MEAN “UNEQUIVOCAL RESPONSIBILITIES”) TO ENSURE YOUR MOTHER’S SANITY AND THEREBY YOUR SAFETY (ALBEIT INDIRECTLY). NOTHING IN THESE RULES GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO QUESTION, ARGUE OR OTHERWISE CONTRARILY ENGAGE YOUR MOTHER IN DISCUSSIONS GEARED TOWARD SIMPLIFYING YOUR LIFE. MAKE NO MISTAKE, THESE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT ARE SOLELY ABOUT SIMPLIFYING YOUR MOTHER’S LIFE. You have the right to pick from your floor—and from under your bed—all of (...Read More)
I am terrified of insects. There are plenty of terms for this fear which I give no merit to since I happen to think running naked screaming from the bathroom because something with eight legs and eyes is lurking in the shower waiting for a chance to pounce while you are rinsing shampoo out of your hair is not a phobia, it is just common sense. Living in Arizona has forced me to deal with the absolute worst insect of (...Read More)