February 1st, 2010

The Plot Thickens


After last week’s reflections about the Monkey’s need for privacy, I decided that I would try to avoid writing anything too embarrassing or revealing about him; after all, life is challenging enough at that age without your mother blabbing about it to the world.

That was, until, the Monkey came home from school one day this week with a story that began with this sentence:  “You know Cameron*?  One of the special needs students?  Well, he knows that I like Justine*—so guess what he did?” 

I mean, really, is the universe testing me?  Confidentiality FAIL.

The Monkey has always had lots of friends who are girls, with a few innocent flirtations  along the way. For example: his kindergarten friend who wanted to marry him and showed him her underwear as a sign of her devotion; and  his “buddy” in fourth grade who sat him down and demanded to know where their relationship was going. 

Now the Monkey has a real crush.  His friends run the gamut from absolutely no interest in girls, to texting “I heart you” a million times a day.  Both the hub and I think sixth grade is still too young to encourage romance, but we both distinctly remember the thrill of our pre-teen infatuations. 

The long and short of the story is that Cameron, who is a lovely boy with a few boundary issues, marched over to Justine and loudly proclaimed, “If the Monkey asked you out, would you go out with him?”  And Justine said – wait for it – yes.  I stared at the Monkey as he told me the tale, waiting to gauge his response.  Should I be happy for him?  Terrified for me?

“Sooo….” I began, “what does that mean?”

DON’T say you want to ask her out!  What the hell will I say then?!

“I don’t know.  What do you think it means?”

Are you kidding me?  You’re just a baby – you can’t be thinking about girls in this way!

“Well, it’s always nice to hear that someone you like likes you back.”

That little hussy.

“Yeah, but I think I’m too young to have a girlfriend.”

Damn straight.

“Oh, okay, honey, if you say so.”


*Writers Note – Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. 

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This Weeks Tip

Admit it, you’ve done it. You’ve tried to cut your child’s bangs the morning before a holiday photoshoot or an important tip to grandmas — only to make the “situation” worse. Here’s a tip for cutting straight… take a piece of  Scotch tape and put it UNDER the place where you want to cut. Then cut just above the tape line for a straight and beautiful result!