Adventures in Poop

In all the preparation you go through when becoming a mother, no one bothers to tell you how you’ll be up to your elbows in poop, especially when potty-training. You think dirty diapers are a lot to handle? Just wait until your daughter begins to show signs of interest for her eleventy-kajillion-dollar Princess Potty, but for whatever reason can’t master it without being bare-bottomed.

A diaper-less, potty-training toddler let loose in the house? Surely there are worse forms of torture out there.

First of all, why the heck is something you pee and take a crap in so expensive, anyway? So what, it makes a magical fairy-dust, sparkly sound when you “flush” - is that two-bit musical piece, decorated in princessesque decals and painted pink worth the price of a month’s paycheck just to get her interested?

Apparently so.

And we,desperate-to-get-away-from-changing-poopie-diaper parents are willing to spend that much.

Those toddler toilets don’t even clean themselves, you know. You have to take it eleven-kinds of apart just to get to the dreaded poop and pee “collector” to dump its contents in the toilet then wash it out, all while trying to keep from gagging.

But amidst the choking-back gagging and silently cursing at the grossness of it all, you have a triumphant toddler, cheering herself, pushing the jingling flush button over and over “I potty! I potty! Woot (look), mommy!”

Not to mention the pride you feel. Sure, it’s gross, but you’re thisclose to her doing this all on her own, and one step closer to no longer having to change her diapers. You almost get giddy, all while wondering where time went, how big she’s getting, your life with her flashing before your very eyes as you smile at the ideas you devise to celebrate your soon-to-be new-found diaperlessness with her.

Until you discovered she didn’t completely make it to the potty to begin with - she actually started on the carpet, caught herself, and ran to the potty to finish.

Crap! (Literally.)

Such is life of the potty-training mother. Where’s the “What To Expect..” manual for this?


About Lisa D.

Once upon a time, Lisa was born and raised in New York, a land where there was a corner deli, Italian restaurant, and Dunkin Donuts with delicious coffee on every corner. And, despite horrific traffic, accents and expletives a-plenty, life seemed to make sense. Enter an Army husband, six kids (b. 1995, 1999, 2000, 2004, 2007 and 2008) and three states later, her family of eight are living the military life in the (very) deep south far from anything familiar, let alone making sense. Once a business management major, Lisa now uses her management skills to keep soccer practices, doctors appointments and juggling six kids' schedules in order, all while trying to cram their big family into small Army housing. You can find her regularly McGyvering things back together using shoelaces and bubble gum with a breastfed baby on her hip, all while baking from scratch and pretending her hair color isn't from a bottle. She finds sanity in gardening, baking cookies, working out so she can eat bake more cookies, playing with her family, and writing about her parenting (mis)adventures. Lisa can also be found at seeking sanity in the bottom of her coffee cup.

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