Kids Are a Pain in the Neck

They should have worker’s comp for at-home moms.  I think I have quite a case.  My right shoulder has been aching for a few weeks now.  I should probably seek medical attention, but I know what they’ll tell me—rest your right arm.  Frankly, there’s about as much chance that I’ll get to rest my right arm as there is that I’ll fit into my high school jeans, so I’m not sure there’s any point in seeing the doctor.

Caveman is fond of throwing himself at me from across the room.  Princess seems to think I exist to carry her things.  Then there are the diaper changes involving an unwilling, 40-lb 2-year-old.  I keep suggesting that if he doesn’t want to have his diaper changed he could just learn to use the potty, but so far my extremely reasonable suggestion has been ignored, so I wrestle him to the changing pad and pin him down while changing his diaper.  Basically, there’s no chance my right arm will get “rest” any time soon.  I never knew raising kids would be so physically demanding.

In addition to my shoulder, there are the less-obvious kid-related “injuries.”  The extra skin around my stomach, which was, pre-kids, pretty flat despite my “plump” figure.  The need to wear a cautionary pantyliner just in case I cough or sneeze without warning.  Sciatica and heartburn, both of which made an appearance when I was pregnant with Princess and just stuck around because I have such a sparkling personality. (Read more…)

I Need a Timeout App

In some ways, I embrace technology whole-heartedly. I love my Macbook Pro, for instance, and have plunged into blogging and social networking like a Polar Bear Club Member dives into frigid, January waters.

In other respects, though, I’m a complete luddite. DVR what? On Demand how? Electronic book reader uh uh!

So I was surprised how excited I got when my husband ordered me a smart phone a couple weeks ago, spelling the end of my crappy pay-as-you-go. This sleek little device is like a remote for my life. And I’ve been trying to figure out how I can use it to make parenting easier.

There’s the music, of course. Kid-friendly songs are loaded and ready to go. Also, narrated stories are great for when your voice is gravelly with exhaustion and you’ve run out of ideas to entertain your children. Games help. And apparently you can even stream movies.

But what I have in mind is something more like a Stop-the-Fighting app. A Get-Back-in-Bed-and-Close-your-Eyes Utility. Icons I can touch to convince Milo and Belle to load their backpacks and get in the car for school. Surely if app developers can turn a candy-bar-sized unit of plastic and metal into a video camera, phone, flashlight, alarm clock, barcode scanner, and TV, they can get my kids to do their homework. (Read more…)