Sometimes I tire of being a human napkin.
Dear Children, You know how you often will get up out of bed once you’ve been tucked in and kissed good night? Not cool. You see, the reason I say “Good night,” is because I want it to be the last time I see you ALL night, all the way until MORNING. You have working arms and can replace your fallen blankets. That buzzing is a fly that won’t bite, and you can take your own selves into the bathroom for (...Read More)
Online, I’m “Sexy Vegan Mama” on my vegan cooking blog. In real life, I’m anything but sexy in the kitchen. Picture a flour-coated banshee, shrieking, “Keep your fingers out of the fudge!” and “Stop licking the bowl—it’s still full!” while knocking back Southern Comfort to prevent herself from putting the kids through a wall before she can put them through college. I’ve been writing a cookbook, you see. Curlytop and Snugglebug insisted on “helping,” of course, like five- and six-year-olds (...Read More)
In my BK life (Before Kids) I would listen to my friends with kids complain how about much they hated organizing birthday parties. I found their distain mystifying. What could be so hard about having a group of six year olds over to eat ice cream and play pin the tail on the donkey? Cue the Karma. Four years later, Sun-Bun is rapidly approaching her fifth birthday and her expectations for the big day cause my jaw to unhinge. “Mommy, (...Read More)
After 347 plays all kid’s DVDs should automatically self-destruct.