In all the preparation you go through when becoming a mother, no one bothers to tell you how you’ll be up to your elbows in poop, especially when potty-training. You think dirty diapers are a lot to handle? Just wait until your daughter begins to show signs of interest for her eleventy-kajillion-dollar Princess Potty, but for whatever reason can’t master it without being bare-bottomed.

A diaper-less, potty-training toddler let loose in the house? Surely there are worse forms of torture out there.

First of all, why the heck is something you pee and take a crap in so expensive, anyway? So what, it makes a magical fairy-dust, sparkly sound when you “flush” - is that two-bit musical piece, decorated in princessesque decals and painted pink worth the price of a month’s paycheck just to get her interested?

Apparently so.

And we,desperate-to-get-away-from-changing-poopie-diaper parents are willing to spend that much.

Those toddler toilets don’t even clean themselves, you know. You have to take it eleven-kinds of apart just to get to the dreaded poop and pee “collector” to dump its contents in the toilet then wash it out, all while trying to keep from gagging.

But amidst the choking-back gagging and silently cursing at the grossness of it all, you have a triumphant toddler, cheering herself, pushing the jingling flush button over and over “I potty! I potty! Woot (look), mommy!”

Not to mention the pride you feel. Sure, it’s gross, but you’re thisclose to her doing this all on her own, and one step closer to no longer having to change her diapers. You almost get giddy, all while wondering where time went, how big she’s getting, your life with her flashing before your very eyes as you smile at the ideas you devise to celebrate your soon-to-be new-found diaperlessness with her.

Until you discovered she didn’t completely make it to the potty to begin with - she actually started on the carpet, caught herself, and ran to the potty to finish.

Crap! (Literally.)

Such is life of the potty-training mother. Where’s the “What To Expect..” manual for this?