Scurvy on You
Have you seen those kids’ vitamins that look like gummy bears?
I have a love/hate relationships with them. I love that my kids look forward to taking their vitamins everyday. I hate that my kids think vitamins are CANDY. TO BE WORSHIPPED. VITAMINS! WE LOVE YOU! WE NEED YOU!
Yes. It’s kind of a problem.
Who came up with this cockamamie idea? Evil. Evil. Evil.
Who came up with the really bright idea to buy a mega bottle of gummy vitamins from the warehouse store? (Me.) Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
Because ever since then, at least once a day and sometimes more, one child wil say, “VITAMIN!”
Then, the other will chime in, all crazed-like, “VI-MIN!”
And then both start frothing at the mouth, chanting their vitamin battle cry, until the sacred bottle is procured by an elder and vitamins distributed.
They should not want these so much. It’s not right.
In fact, yesterday, Elise, who needed to take a nap like nobody’s business, started having a fit about wanting a vitamin. This was after at least a half-hour of absolutely wretched behavior. The kind that’s usually associated with head spinning and projectile vomiting.
I yelled threateningly, “No vitamin! Vitamins are for kids who are good!”
Then, I realized what I had just said: No! I will not give you your essential vitamins! Scurvy on you! Now back to the dungeon! You’ve used up your sunlight rations already!
Do you see how this is all wrong?
What’s up with making vitamins and children’s medicines so candy-like? I think wistfully back to the time when I enjoyed sweet-but-still-chalk children’s vitamins and children’s aspirin that tasted nast with a hint of orange.
What happened to those good ol’ days?
Instead, I have two kids OVER THE MOON about vitamins, children’s ibuprofen and Tylenol, and other products that require poison control calls and possible stomach pumping in case of accidental overdose.
(This reminds me of an adult friend’s Facebook status update that read: Just ate an entire bottle of gummy vitamins.)
Good thing I got the industrial-keg-size bottle of them. Good thing.
