E=m(ore)c(ookie)2

The lid has been blown off the whole “watching-our-videos-will-make-your-baby-so-much-smarter-than-those-babies-down-the-block-who-are-still-listening-to-the-radio” scam. I’m ready to join the threatened class-action lawsuit against Disney (doing business as “Baby Einstein”) since my 18-month old has thus far refused to read beyond the fourth of Kierkegaard’s “Eighteen Edifying Discourses”, despite our bribing her with a cookie.

And I’m suing Nabisco, too.

I’m not sure who is more foolish in this argument: the parents and lawyers who would consider such a frivolous lawsuit (thereby implying that they actually believed their children would become geniuses by watching television), or the pediatricians and other experts who say, “You should read to your baby!”

Hey, litigious parents! C’mon, now. You know those low-fat cookies with the word “healthy” on the packaging? They’re still cookies. And a video is just a video, even if it says “Einstein” on the box. I know Disney has deep pockets – is that what this is about? For shame.

Hey, expert pediatricians! I can actually let my child watch a video or two AND read to her, play with her, take her for walks or for a swim, or just let her dawdle about the house – like the grown-ups do. But I can’t interact with her for every waking hour of the day. I need a break; she needs a break.

If you’re aiming your advice toward parents who let their baby watch 10 hours of videos a day, I believe those folks need a stronger tonic than being told, “You should read to your baby!” I bet there are far more complicated life issues at play for those people, beyond being duped by advertising. As my 7 year-old niece would say, “Seriously. For real.”

It’s a question of balance. We eat healthy meals, but we like our dessert, too.

And our toddler daughter loves the “Signing Time” videos. She loves the music, the colors, the footage of other little kids signing “banana”, “help”, “dog.” It entertains her, and it gives me 30 minutes of kid-free time. And it educates. Little F. can now sign, “More pie!”

Genius.