Sensitivity Issues
If you’ve read my little Momicillin Bio you know that Spicy Girl is Chinese by birth and that the hubby and I adopted her when she was not quite a year old. We are coming up on our 2nd anniversary of this life-changing day, and like any other activity in life, as time goes by and you get more comfortable with it you become less and less aware. Until you get smacked it the face with a moment that brings you right back to reality.
When going through an adoption process—especially when you are adopting a child who is of a different race or ethnicity—you are barraged with the realities of being “different” from your child, and the concerns about helping them connect with their culture. You read books and go to group support sessions to grapple with the issue, and, consequently, your skin becomes a little thin when it comes to comments of questionable taste and sensitivity.
Recently, the hubby, Spicy Girl and I were in a restaurant (side note: we DO eat at home every once in a while, it’s just that many of our public moments are more memorable). She was being fabulously behaved and had a darn cute outfit on. So, of course she was a magnet for folks to ooh and ahh over. Several kind words from strangers had us feeling pretty good about our lot in life.
Then, from the table next to us came the comment: “She’s beautiful. Like a China Doll.” SMACK of reality, right in the kisser. I think I know what she meant by it, and she may have meant no harm. But, for me, the idea of the China Doll, specifically the subservient stereotype was everything I have never wanted in a child. I love that she’s independent. I love that she has a personality. I love, sometimes, that she says “no”. It means she has feelings and opinions. The woman made no apologies, because to her it was most probably a compliment. But her words killed me inside, mostly because I couldn’t think quick enough to respond. I was terrified. The thought of future insensitive comments being thrown at my child made my nauseous. I froze up. Rather than saying anything, I responded by choosing to swoop up my daughter in my arms and try and protect her from people. Any people.
Parenting is often a trial of errors. For me the big issues aren’t limited to diapers, napping or cognitive development – rather, I need to add a daily dose of cultural sensitivity. Potty training is simply child’s play in comparison.
