Things Not in the Job Description

From time to time, I see those juicy little news bits that tell us how much moms would make in income if they were paid for all that they do. These figures come from totaling up the estimated salaries of chefs, chauffeurs, housekeepers, personal assistants, etc.

Personally, I think these lists only cover the tip of the parental iceberg. We switch gears 100 times a day, performing countless tasks that require a wide range of skills. Here, in no particular order, are just a few of the overlooked jobs I think should be calculated into the total sum:

Manicurist/Pedicurist (35,000/yr
)
Come on, now…how many toenails have you cut in your house that aren’t yours? I think extra “tip money” should be counted in for anyone who cuts:
baby nails, squirming toddler nails and 
37 year-old husband nails (This is not the case in our house, but I’ve heard stories…oh yes, I’ve heard stories.)

Exterminator (55,000/yr)
Over the years, we’ve removed from our house: ants, flies, spiders, baby snakes, bats, crickets, squirrels and a beagle (he ran into the wrong house – add “dog whisperer” to our list).

Anesthesiologist (350,000/yr)
This scenario involves a hyperactive toddler and a bottle of Benadryl. For legal reasons, I won’t go into details. (Okay, I’m kidding, but we’ve all thought it.)

Prostitute (salary commensurate with experience)
Who hasn’t taken one for the team when they’re not in the mood?

Magician (10– 20,000,000/yr
)
Watch boys and girls as I make an entire four-course meal appear out of thin air, while magically balancing this budget! Oooohhhhhh….Aaaaahhhhhhhh

Mafioso (I’m not really sure how to figure out salary for this one, but it must be pretty good to afford all of those suits.)
The buck stops here. We lay down the law in our house – nothing gets past us. We wheel and deal, we negotiate and bargain, we bribe and extort, and if a particular toy is making us crazy, we can arrange an “unfortunate accident.”

And more….so much more. Perhaps we should unionize?